Where You Can Stick Your Ego

How to avoid the Yoko effect.


Egos. Egos are as capricious as the beings they inhabit. We all have one, some more than others, and like most people, there are times when I need to keep my ego in check. I see The Husband up there on stage, all the guys working like a fine oiled machine. With every song, I see them getting more and more excited and I am getting excited right along with them. I really couldn’t be more proud of these guys and The Husband. When they get off stage their adrenaline is pumping and they are ready go but that is when I have to remember to become unobtrusive. I get so consumed with how The Husband is doing in the band, of course when things are going good it does consume a lot of his time and focus so we talk a lot about it. I love talking to him about it because it’s his favorite thing and I love seeing his eyes light up and hearing how passionate he is.

We as band wives are the middle child, a silent partner, we support, we assist (usually financially along with morally). We hear about every detail when there was a bad gig or practice, we hear about every exciting new turn in momentum for the band. We can relish in this as a wife, as a partner, but we never know quite what it will feel like to be part of the lime light, to be able to share that feeling with your partner. Even the most modest of person can find some envy in this from time to time. At the worst times I remember I am not part of this, sure I will be with him for the whole ride, but I am not a part of the glory. When they get off the stage, shaking hands, schmoozing the crowd, handing out cards, I do feel left out. The middle child in me wants to stomp my feet and yell, “what about me?!” but it’s not about me, it’s about the man I love. We all have our faults and its socially acceptable feel selfish occasionally. Nobody wants to go all Yoko, but I guess there is a little Ono in all of us.

“You you you you you you you you you you you you you I want to talk about me” – Toby Keith

Don’t get me wrong, The Husband doesn’t have an ego (we joke that it’s because he’s the bass player). Obviously, he doesn’t think it’s all about him, but there are times when I want to go all Toby Keith on him – “I like talking about you, you, you, you usually, but occasionally, I want to talk about me” – and, yes, I have sung this to him, he got the hint. I think that is one of the biggest fuels for this blog fire of mine. I work full time as an early childhood educarer, have two young kids to raise, and a musician. My life is hectic and filled with everyone else’s needs. Much like, I am assuming, most band wives. We need an outlet, something of our own to be proud of. Unfortunately, right now mine is focusing, still, on The Husband; but this is what I have been doing for the last 15 years. It’s a part of me now and honestly, I love to write and talk about myself too so it is a good outlet for me. But, ladies and gentleman, when you are married to a musician find your own zone, your quiet corner where you can go to let it all it out and get away from it all, or it will end up consuming you and possibly taking down your loved one with you.


Author: thebandwifelifeblog

I am a mother of two healthy, happy children, the wife of an amazingly talented and loving husband, a daughter, sister, and friend. Between working full time, keeping up with my kids and husbands activities I thought "Hey, why not start a blog, that's a crazy idea!" And here we are, tired, perpetually confused, and enjoying so much of life.

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