“So, when your husband makes it big you are going to move to Cali with him and live the good life, right?”
“Really? You don’t want to travel the world with your husband, take the kids and experience it all? They would have an awesome childhood.”
To this I have a few short answers, one being how this Midwest farm gal would most definitely not fit (nor want to) into the west coast. The image I get when I think of California is a blonde, organic, health conscious, tan nightmare. No thanks.
On top of that, the rest of my Midwest, chubby, brunette, vitamin D deficient crew is right here. Which brings me to my most important reason for not going with the husband when he travels. My umbilical cord doesn’t stretch that far.
The pros well outweigh the cons of leaving to go anywhere. No matter how much money or warm weather there is. We want to best for our children, and by best, I mean the most normal, simple, basic, boring love filled life we can provide.
That is hard enough a task with a father as a musician and a spazzy mother. We don’t want to make this any harder on them. Its already unfortunate they are going to realize one day I have been writing about all their personal secrets for the world to see. We will cross that bridge soon enough; teen angst is right around the corner.
We live in walking distance to both of our parents, we are surrounded by amazing family, our village is here, why would we move from that? Nothing beats knowing my children can feel secure, and uprooting them would take all that away.
I don’t want to raise my children on the road. First off, the idea of that being even possible with a husband in a band is laughable. A common misconception that each band member would get a big fancy tour bus for their family, that we could all live in one happy, traveling commune. That really isn’t how that works.
I have the security of knowing wherever the music takes the husband, his heart will be here, with the kids and me. We have made it very much known that we will not ever leave our beautiful little town. Our roots have grown too deep, long before we were even here, to be plucked up and moved.
It takes a village to raise a family, it takes a village to keep a band family going. We have the most amazing support system surrounding us. Our freakishly large and close families make that possible.
It is hard enough to have a husband that is away a lot and the only way we have made it this far is with the help of all the surrounding love. When we juggle work, kids, activities, little tours, gigs, and much more. We have had to lean on grandparents, aunts, and uncles and lots of cousins.
It seems an inconvenience, but this is what family does. It’s not just the babysitting either, it’s the gatherings when The Husband is away, it’s the moral support through the good and bad, it’s having someone to tag along with shopping trips, or possibly just let your hair down and tip the cup up at the end of a hard week. We never feel lonely when family is near.
A hug, a smile, understanding, some coffee, lots of booze, laughs, a suck it up buttercup speech… if you don’t have it yet find your village, find your common place, find people to uplift you and keep you going when life can feel like too much.
Your village will be part of your survival, like I have said about finding your girls, find your village, also. They will get you through some crazy ass busy times in your life. Love them, treat them well, nurture the village you are part of because if it’s a good village it will be the glue that keeps you all together, even when you feel like you are falling apart. They may not all understand exactly what you are going through as a band wife, but they know you and know what you need.